The Before Times and the After Times, Till Death do us part.

2000

When it happens that you lose a child or a mate, or someone close, your life is forever divided into the before and the after. When the after times begin, the before times take on a lightness of being, an almost enviable innocence, that seems lost in the after times. A weight now lives around the heart, feet move more slowly, speech is softer and with all this comes a Hercilian sensitivity to the world around us.   Birds singing, blue skies and starry nights seem to offend in the shadow of our tragedy as if we question how can any of this be enjoyed now?  This life-altering experience comes like a thief in the night and no matter how prepared we think we are, it always ambushes us.

This is how it was with my son, Tyson. In his 23rd  year he was to be graduating from University, but he graduated from life instead. He had been fighting a vicious cancer in his body (melanoma) for a year and a half.  For me it was a year and a half of disbelieving, of denying the sinister possibility that his illness promised. 

It was inconceivable to me that, in the grand scheme of things, that such a kind and wonderful person could be taken from this earth that so desperately needed him. Well, he passed away  on June 7, 2000.  

I realized then, that we are not meant to understand anything.  Nothing made any sense. The questions were so unanswerable, I just put it down to the mystery of life and began to believe that if there is a master plan, we have no idea what it is and are not meant to figure it out.

Life had engaged me in a dual and won. I was to feel my wounds for more than 2 years and,  after that, feel the scars forever. It's funny the way life carries on.  You think this pain you carry with you would be visible to anyone who looked at  you.  But actually, it resides, hidden,  like an unwelcomed guest in  your gut. I felt as if I'd been initiated into a club I didn't want to join and I had a life time membership.

When enough time had passed, I was able to be comforted by the memories of Tyson.  I was grateful to have been his Mom.  I could appreciate that I had been blessed with an angel. Tyson was really the most wonderful child.  I don't  ever remember having to discipline him.  That makes him an angel, doesn't it?? How many Moms could say that? So, yes, I was blessed to have had him in my life for 23 years.

Such a special person needs to live on and inspire  even after they are no longer with us. With this in mind, I established the 'Tyson Murray Kind Spirit Award' at his high school, Tagwi Secondary School, in Avonmore, Ontario. The Award goes to the student who most exemplifies Tyson's qualities of kindness, thoughtfulness, compassion and tolerance.  The deserving student receives $1,000 and a plaque. 

I know Tyson would be so pleased to know he is continuing to influence people in a positive way.  For me, the Award acts like a bridge between the before and after times.  And as the years pass, the place in my heart for Tyson melds from pain to pleasure, from grief to pride, from questioning to acceptance. Life will never be the same without him. I will never forget the before times but I have to make the best of life with out him in these, the after times.

Published in 'There is a Story in Each of Us"

Published in 'ArticlesBase.com'

Published in 'Ezine.com'