Friday, 3 October 2014

My Parents Marriage


Chapter 1


My Parents' Marriage.

In those days, in the forties, there was no birth control and teenagers had to deal with their surging hormones without having sex.  That is why kids got married early. Any time after 16 was socially acceptable to wed, although late teens or early twenties was better.  Too much longer, say at 28, and the young lady would be regarded as a ‘spinster’, an ‘old maid’. 

My parents fell in love when they were 12 so it was a long wait to get married at 17 or 18.  But the war came along and wedding plans had to be postponed until my dad came back from action. Four years later, at 20 and 21, they tied the knot. 

My mother was Catholic and because she was marrying a Protestant, the church excommunicated her.  

She’s very much the type to say, “You can’t fire me. I quit!” 

Insulted that her faith rejected her, she turned her back on it and never thought about it again.  I’m very glad she did this.  To be raised Catholic is to grow up with haunting guilt and unfounded fears of God and of the ever after.  I was happy not to have to deal with any of it. 

I could never understand, however, that the Catholic church excommunicated my mother for marrying a Protestant, but not for marrying her first cousin. Catholics today are much more fortunate as they get to go to Heaven if they marry outside of their faith (or even if they marry their cousins).  Just rotten luck for my Mom that she missed this window of opportunity by being born in the wrong era.

The wedding took place at the lodge at Mont Tremblant, a ski resort in Quebec.  Both my Mom and Dad were active in the ski world up there and it seemed the perfect setting for their wedding. It was small, just family and close friends. So small and out of the way, I got the feeling of ‘clandestiny’; but I may be wrong. My Mom’s Dad and his sister, who was my Dad’s Mom, were there with their spouses, my Mom and Dad’s aunt and uncle. I still get cross-eyed trying to figure it out.



Thursday, 2 October 2014

My Life in a Poem

My life in a Poem

I was born in Ottawa; I was one of two,
Anything my sister had, I got when she was through.

Since we weren’t rich or spoiled, luxury I never knew,
But life has taught me plenty, as we moved each year or two.

Best thing the air force ever did, it did when I was seven;
We stayed four years in sunny France, came back, I was eleven.

When we crossed the ocean, t’was four our family
When we came back to Canada, we two sisters now were three.

When we left France, I left behind, the first true love I had.
He was my real life darling, to leave him now, how sad.

I never would forget him, and there is no turning back,
I never would forget him, that cute little guy named Mac.

So it was to school in Ottawa, north, south, east and west,
But it was Woodroffe high school, that was the very best.

Friends and teachers, clubs and books, the memories are cool,
But it was Art, who stole my heart, for five years in that school.

Then the ring made my heart sing, the wedding it drew nigh.
My father’s voice said “it won’t be, you must first get your degree”
And Art he passed me by.

I spent three years at Carleton, then back to France I went,
This time with sister Karen, hitch hiking, Spain to Kent.

We came back home in seventy full of new found knowledge
But it was not enough for  me;  I went to Teachers’ College.

There were no jobs on graduation, much to my distress,
What was I to do? I know! I’ll be a stewardess.

It was rather unexpected, while I was flying high,
Came an offer to teach French, I bid my job goodbye.

I met a handsome man named Tom, not a doctor or a preacher;
Just found him looking rather pale, next to my French teacher.

I was in the city and it became a drag,
So it was that time again, time to pack my bag.

Look out Europe, here I come, this time, no destination.
Decided it’d be Champery, saw a sign in a train station.

Switzerland is really pretty, the Alps are tops you see,
Got a job, as luck would have it, in the Hotel Champery.

A year later I returned, to the city of Montreal.
I met anew Don the pilot, he was my all and all.

We were married six months later, but with a wedding couldn’t cope.
So in our enthusiasm, we decided to elope.

We had three sons, ages one to five, in that city of Pointe Claire,
Damon, Tyson, Brandon, three boys we loved so dear.

In environmental issues, I had found my niche.
Passion flowed to save the world, I worked with ‘Greenpeace’

Fourteen years of Cadillacs, Mary Kay and this and that;
Time to move to Glengarry, a new place to hang our hat.

Through all the world that I did roam,
When I found Glengarry, I found my home.

Teaching, strategic planning, Property Standards, to name a few,
Investment Club, chair, secretary, t’was so much I did do.

Took a course in facilitation, they called it ‘Open Space’,
Tried it on my baseball team, and we came in first place!

I liked taking photos, and writing stories too,
Was a photograph-reporter for the Gleangarry News.

Ah! Time to move, another chance, to go back to Paris, France.
In ’89 a time sublime, we packed our bags one more time.

We stayed three years and traveled, saw the best of Europe then.
The kids learned French, we all made friends, and we’d do it all again!

Were ten more years in Glengarry, what precious years but few.
They were the last Tyson was with us, there was nothing we could do.


Physics, math, computer science,  you could say he was a brain;
But it was for  his spirit that the “Award’ was in his name.

The other boys went off, to chase their visions and their dreams.
For Damon it was flying, for Brandon, movie themes.

Now the house was empty, there was left but me;
The boys were gone and so was Don, so I was fancy free.

Life gave me a new beginning, for the stars now I could reach.
And what do I do, between me and you? I move to Wasaga Beach!

For my Mom and sisters, I left my Glengarry.
Life is full of surprises, of that I was going to see.

With the loss of Tyson, my step brother thought it’d be,
Nice for me to go to France, France across the sea.

So I spent the next spring season, in Provence and Italy,
With Ian teaching artists, me feeding them pate and Brie

‘’Twas July when I came back, to buy a house so wee.
 An apartment in the basement to supplement my fees.

The first thing I accomplished, in that house thats not a ‘looker’,
Was end the writing of my book, called ‘The Happy Cooker’.

Although the book was finished with lots of vim and vex,
I was not prepared at all, for what was to happen next.

My father lived in Spain, you see, for 35 years or more.
Now he wanted to return, to this far-off, forgotten shore.

He sold his house and bought a ticket, for his wife and he to fly
To Montreal or Toronto, how was he to know she’d die?

So I went over to retrieve him, a sadder sight was never seen.
He came back with me to my house; the basement was for me.

The two of us were doing fine taking care of one another;
Then my mother’s husband died. Where was she to go? Oh Brother!

Ever not to be out done, fate had yet more in store.
Her husband died, although she cried, she asked Dad to move over.


So our family was together, after all these  years gone by.
Mom and Dad in my house; how life can be so wry!

Dad could not remember what a coffee or a toast is;
My Mother couldn’t move as she had osteoporosis.

They meant well, and they tried hard, but work was not their ‘fortay'
After several months of this, I knew we had to ‘abortay’

A move was necessary, a house or two I bought.
Became a property manager, a new home for them I sought.

Now every one is happy, at least that’s what they claim.
Each of them in their own home, and me alone again.

Damon married Tyson’s nurse, and when they got together,
They had three fine wee children, made me a grandmother.

I moved back to Montreal, after 6 years over there,
To help my friend Jay Jansons fix his home up in Pointe Claire.

When that was done and finished, I was ready to move on;
I went to my apartment, from Montreal I was gone.

I was back in Glengarry, the home I hoped to find.
I was to see its not the same, as the place I left behind.

I couldn’t see my grandkids, because of their mother’s wish.
This broke my heart, and then some, as they were sorely missed.

I didn’t think, I could take more, of life’s cruel blows to me.
When Damon drowned I really thought, ‘I can’t even be.’

Alone in my apartment, life’s burden was too heavy,
For me to carry by myself, then Damon sent me Peppie.

Now we are together, and the earth we often roam.
We take cruises go to Florida, and write when we are home.

Between home, the cottage, Tampa, we are pretty happy;
We take life’s hardships and make something like kersnappy.

My Life and Me, My Memoires

My LIFE AND ME  

My Memoires




















Introduction

























Tuesday, 30 September 2014

Background info

For those of you who know me,  you are aware that I had three beautiful sons.  I lost two of them.  Tyson, angel that he was, died in 2000 from melanoma, a lethal form of skin cancer.  He was only 23.  He was graduating from Laurier University with majors in physics, computers and math.  His whole life was ahead of him but a thief took him in the night.

Damon was 35 when he drowned at his father's wedding in 2011. He was a Major in the airforce with a brilliant career ahead of him.  Damon was the rock of Gibraltar, the salt of the earth. He fell madly in love with Tyson's nurse, Carla, whom he met at the hospital where his brother lay dying. She was pretty and seductive.  She was smart and with her career, she was a perfect fit with him, because, in the air force, he would be moving from time to time. He was emotionally vulnerable and she was ripe to start a family. He was hopelessly in love. This was the girl of his dreams. Or so he thought.

They were married for 9 years and had three children. Damon carried on like a true soldier as his personal life unravelled around him.  We could see it from the outside, but he was in denial, denial to accept his true love didn't love him truly any more. He gave up everything for her including a career in flying.  He belaboured  that she had to put up with his working in Kingston, a two hour drive away, amongst other 'hardships'. I beseeched him, "But who's taking care of you?" The question fell on deaf ears as he unselfishly continued on the path that was to lead to his personal devastation.

If Damon were the kind of person who could accept failure, this wouldn't have been so completely devastating.  When he could no longer hide from the lack of love she had for him, he agreed to separate.  This meant to him, loss of his family as a unit, loss of the promise of everlasting love, the loss of being a father, the loss of his home, the loss of his kids growing up in a family. It meant total failure. He was destroyed.  I think his job must have given him a reason for living and he trucked on, alone, living in a basement apartment near the base, visiting his kids in their life apart, on the weekends.

As his parents, Don and I felt his wounds more deeply than he.

Carla had a male 'friend', and even as just a friend, he caused Damon much pain and untold suffering.  We all did our best, Carla, Damon, Don and myself, but it turned out everyone's best was the best for no one. Damon wasn't cold in his grave when this 'friend' moved into Damon's side of the bed.

After 6 months, Damon  had barely found his new love when fate intervened. Why is telling you about Damon's life important?  Because of the impact Carla's character plays in my life. She was the wife of my son. Never being accepted by her was as shocking as it was painful. It was like I lost the daughter I never had. She is also the gatekeeper to my grandchildren. Since she didn't care for me, she meted out the time I could see them. I feel she has committed the worst kind of theft, the theft of a relationship between a grandmother and her grandchildren. They know who I am but they don't know me.  We just didn't have enough time together, just the way she likes it.


This has been an arduous adjustment for me.  As you can imagine, life with out my boys is enough of a  trial. It would be such a blessing to be able to be a wonderful grandmother to my three grandchildren.  It would feed my soul.  However, I have to learn to live with it just as I have to learn to live without Damon and Tyson.

But then this is not about Damon or Tyson, This is about me. I am writing these memories for my three grandchildren and for my son Brandon.

Friday, 26 October 2012

Damon at the Eiffel Tower


Damon at the Eiffel Tower

Paris. I was with my sister, Susan, at the Eiffel Tower.  We had just ended a two week adventure in the Perigord in southern France where Susan and her riding students combed the trails of the countryside on horseback.  It was about 10:30 at night.  We were booked in a hotel near Charles de Gaule airport for an easy exit for Montreal the next morning.  We had just taken a taxi from the Hotel to come here to execute a mission for my son, Damon, a very important  mission, one that would hold meaning for generations to come. 

Our task this night stemmed from the wishes of Damon's Dad, Don. Damon had tragically drowned that summer of 2011 at Don's wedding. Now, months later, Don was deciding where Damon's ashes should be placed and he felt it appropriate that some of Damon should stay in France, in a small hamlet called 'Boinville', where Damon had lived for three years as a teenager.  Don had asked our neighbors there, Daniel and Martine, if they wouldn't mind  scattering his ashes in the forest across from our house. 

As it turned out, I was going to France, so I could bring the ashes to them in person.  We planned to meet at the Paris train station, Monparnasse. As fate would have it, meet we did, but we were so excitedly immersed in conversation that I totally forgot to give them that little bag. Alas, I carried it with me for the next two weeks.

Now, our trip over, settled in the hotel waiting for the morning to head home, I still had Damon with me.  He was in France now where this part of him was to stay. It didn't make any sense for me to take him back home to Canada so I decided to take a taxi to the Eiffel Tower and somehow put Damon to rest there under a tree. It seemed the right thing to do.  Damon had been  there so often in his short life, with his family, his friends and his wife. It was there that he had asked her to marry him. Yes, that's where he should be.

So, there we were, standing under the Eiffel Tower. It was very tall and shining from top to bottom with bright gold lights. People were going in every direction underneath it, with security guards scattered amongst them. The Taxi was waiting by the curb with the engine running.  Although the Tower was lit up, the gardens around it were not. We furtively glanced around.  The coast seemed to be clear of any guard so we hopped over the small fence, jumped into the garden and made a dash for the first tree.  

I had put a wooden coffee stir stick from the hotel room in my pocket.  It was at this moment that I knelt down beside the trunk of the tree and reached into my coat to get it. I began scratching feverishly at the sandy soil.  The stick broke.  I used what was left of it to dig a hole deep enough to fulfill  its purpose.  I tremorously  took the zip lock bag from my pocket and, with unsure hands, opened it and poured in the ashes. Part of my heart went with those ashes. A pool of tears swelled my chest as I quickly covered them up. Mission accomplished! Damon would be there forever.  Anyone who was to come in the future to the Eiffel Tower, would know Damon was with them, in the soil, in that tree.

Damon being there, in Paris, under the Eiffel Tower, seemed to move to tears his best friend, Guillaume, whom he had met while going to school in Boinville and who now works in Paris. Guillaume wrote to me upon learning of this mission and said, "Thank you, Mom, Thank you.  Paris was never so beautiful as since this night." Well, perhaps Paris may be more beautiful, too, for all who visit the Eiffel Tower and know of our little secret.  I hope Damon's children will find solace to  know he is there with them when they gaze up at that big Tower and I hope their children, one day, will  too. 

As I climbed back into the taxi with Susan, I felt I was parting from my son, but at the same time I had a mysterious sense of satisfaction.  As we drove away into the dizzying traffic, I looked through the back window of the cab at that disappearing tree and whispered to myself, "Au revoir, Damon."


Wednesday, 17 October 2012

Cottage life this summer

INTERNET!!  After 60 years of no phone, no TV, no hydro, We Are On Line!!  As a result, Pierre and I each wrote a book, his is "Power Up Your Life and Make Stress Work 4 You," 
        ( http://tinyurl.com/dyhmwp ) and mine is "Landlordom, The Land of Jekyll and Hyde," (How to be a successful landlord, anyway).  Hard copy and ebooks are both available on XLibris.  Also on online book stores such as Amazon, Barnes and Noble, Kindle.





Two yellow kayaks and one large kayak-canoe added to our fun this year.





The dock, so peaceful at sundown.



Sister Susan



Cousin Sue-em. with husband Derry, Pierre and Pat and Shaun




Sue-em.





Brandon with Mishka




Pierre and Daryll




Derry, Sue-em, moi



Hallowe'en, The trick is, the treat is bad for you



I hate to ruin your 'fun', but I have to tell you the truth: Hallowe'en is a crime against children. 

This truth you are well aware of, but the forces of society and custom that consider candy as a treat are too great to fight even though you know it is bad for you. We succumb to the lie that sugar is a treat and we reward our children with it, something that can cause hyperactivity, memory loss, weight gain, rotten teeth, less immunity, diabetes and on it goes. Don't you think it's time to reevaluate our reward system?  We are teaching our children, as we have previously been taught, that something so bad for us is seen as a reward of which we want more, more, more. 

‘Hallowe’en’ embodies one of the greatest ironies of our ‘civilized’ culture.  It is a time of year when adults bombard children’s bodies with sugar, perhaps unaware of the damage it’s doing. ‘Hallowe’en’, nonetheless, arrives with great anticipation and glee, as a major ‘treat’ of the year. The costumes add magic to the ritual. But the candy is the ‘coup de gras’ for the kids.  ‘Hollow’s eve’ is one of the few opportunities children have to violate their bodies with not only the consent of society and their parents, but with their full endorsement and encouragement.

Amongst other ailments, sugar stimulates the production of insulin and too much insulin can induce insulin shock.  Sugar depresses the immune system.  How many children get colds or the flu after Hallowe’en?  It behooves parents to sit up and take notice. 

We must keep in mind that children’s bodies are much smaller than ours and the effect of sugar is magnified.  Is it possible to change our thinking and give different things to thrill them? ‘Magic stones’, psychedelic pencils, spider rings, wands from a magician’s den, magic wishing water from a witches’ pond  in the forest in a small little bottle (color it green like kryptonite), a balloon, a trick or a song that they can learn and remember, a beautiful marble, a prize for their costumes, money!! A lock of hair from a doll but really from a witch who lives behind a tree on your front yard!
…anything you can come up with that will capture their imagination is better than candy.

In the 1700’s people ate one kilogram of sugar a year. By the 1800’s, it increased to two kilograms and in the 1900’s to 16 kilograms and in the recent 40 years to around 100 kilograms per person.  Where are we going with this??  One teaspoon of sugar depresses the immune system for 12 hours.  White sugar, White death.

Between 1999 and 2009, diabetes in Canada increased 70% with the largest increase in children ages 9 to 19.  30 million people in North America have diabetes and an undiagnosed 2/3’s are unaware they have it.

Maybe its time we adults redefine the meaning ‘treats’ on Hallowe’en or treats, period.  Maybe it is time to take responsibility and protect our children from that which we try and get them away from the rest of the year!  After all the Trick and Treating is done, parents can buy the candy from the kids, or at least part of it and throw it out. Kids like money too. The magic will still be there!