My Life and Me, My Memoires

My LIFE AND ME  

My Memoires

Introduction

Background info

For those of you who know me,  you are aware that I had three beautiful sons.  I lost two of them.  Tyson, angel that he was, died in 2000 from melanoma, a lethal form of skin cancer.  He was only 23.  He was graduating from Laurier University with majors in physics, computers and math.  His whole life was ahead of him but a thief took him in the night.

Damon was 35 when he drowned at his father's wedding in 2011. He was a Major in the airforce with a brilliant career ahead of him.  Damon was the rock of Gibraltar, the salt of the earth. He fell madly in love with Tyson's nurse, Carla, whom he met at the hospital where his brother lay dying. She was pretty and seductive.  She was smart and with her career, she was a perfect fit with him, because, in the air force, he would be moving from time to time. He was emotionally vulnerable and she was ripe to start a family. He was hopelessly in love. This was the girl of his dreams. Or so he thought.

They were married for 9 years and had three children. Damon carried on like a true soldier as his personal life unravelled around him.  We could see it from the outside, but he was in denial, denial to accept his true love didn't love him truly any more. He gave up everything for her including a career in flying.  He belaboured  that she had to put up with his working in Kingston, a two hour drive away, amongst other 'hardships'. I beseeched him, "But who's taking care of you?" The question fell on deaf ears as he unselfishly continued on the path that was to lead to his personal devastation.

If Damon were the kind of person who could accept failure, this wouldn't have been so completely devastating.  When he could no longer hide from the lack of love she had for him, he agreed to separate.  This meant to him, loss of his family as a unit, loss of the promise of everlasting love, the loss of being a father, the loss of his home, the loss of his kids growing up in a family. It meant total failure. He was destroyed.  I think his job must have given him a reason for living and he trucked on, alone, living in a basement apartment near the base, visiting his kids in their life apart, on the weekends.

As his parents, Don and I felt his wounds more deeply than he.

Carla had a male 'friend', and even as just a friend, he caused Damon much pain and untold suffering.  We all did our best, Carla, Damon, Don and myself, but it turned out everyone's best was the best for no one. Damon wasn't cold in his grave when this 'friend' moved into Damon's side of the bed.

After 6 months, Damon  had barely found his new love when fate intervened. Why is telling you about Damon's life important?  Because of the impact Carla's character plays in my life. She was the wife of my son. Never being accepted by her was as shocking as it was painful. It was like I lost the daughter I never had. She is also the gatekeeper to my grandchildren. Since she didn't care for me, she meted out the time I could see them. I feel she has committed the worst kind of theft, the theft of a relationship between a grandmother and her grandchildren. They know who I am but they don't know me.  We just didn't have enough time together, just the way she likes it.


This has been an arduous adjustment for me.  As you can imagine, life with out my boys is enough of a  trial. It would be such a blessing to be able to be a wonderful grandmother to my three grandchildren.  It would feed my soul.  However, I have to learn to live with it just as I have to learn to live without Damon and Tyson.

But then this is not about Damon or Tyson, This is about me. I am writing these memories for my three grandchildren and for my son Brandon.

Damon at the Eiffel Tower

Damon at the Eiffel Tower

Paris. I was with my sister, Susan, at the Eiffel Tower.  We had just ended a two week adventure in the Perigord in southern France where Susan and her riding students combed the trails of the countryside on horseback.  It was about 10:30 at night.  We were booked in a hotel near Charles de Gaule airport for an easy exit for Montreal the next morning.  We had just taken a taxi from the Hotel to come here to execute a mission for my son, Damon, a very important  mission, one that would hold meaning for generations to come. 

Our task this night stemmed from the wishes of Damon's Dad, Don. Damon had tragically drowned that summer of 2011 at Don's wedding. Now, months later, Don was deciding where Damon's ashes should be placed and he felt it appropriate that some of Damon should stay in France, in a small hamlet called 'Boinville', where Damon had lived for three years as a teenager.  Don had asked our neighbors there, Daniel and Martine, if they wouldn't mind  scattering his ashes in the forest across from our house. 

As it turned out, I was going to France, so I could bring the ashes to them in person.  We planned to meet at the Paris train station, Monparnasse. As fate would have it, meet we did, but we were so excitedly immersed in conversation that I totally forgot to give them that little bag. Alas, I carried it with me for the next two weeks.

Now, our trip over, settled in the hotel waiting for the morning to head home, I still had Damon with me.  He was in France now where this part of him was to stay. It didn't make any sense for me to take him back home to Canada so I decided to take a taxi to the Eiffel Tower and somehow put Damon to rest there under a tree. It seemed the right thing to do.  Damon had been  there so often in his short life, with his family, his friends and his wife. It was there that he had asked her to marry him. Yes, that's where he should be.

So, there we were, standing under the Eiffel Tower. It was very tall and shining from top to bottom with bright gold lights. People were going in every direction underneath it, with security guards scattered amongst them. The Taxi was waiting by the curb with the engine running.  Although the Tower was lit up, the gardens around it were not. We furtively glanced around.  The coast seemed to be clear of any guard so we hopped over the small fence, jumped into the garden and made a dash for the first tree.  

I had put a wooden coffee stir stick from the hotel room in my pocket.  It was at this moment that I knelt down beside the trunk of the tree and reached into my coat to get it. I began scratching feverishly at the sandy soil.  The stick broke.  I used what was left of it to dig a hole deep enough to fulfill  its purpose.  I tremorously  took the zip lock bag from my pocket and, with unsure hands, opened it and poured in the ashes. Part of my heart went with those ashes. A pool of tears swelled my chest as I quickly covered them up. Mission accomplished! Damon would be there forever.  Anyone who was to come in the future to the Eiffel Tower, would know Damon was with them, in the soil, in that tree.

Damon being there, in Paris, under the Eiffel Tower, seemed to move to tears his best friend, Guillaume, whom he had met while going to school in Boinville and who now works in Paris. Guillaume wrote to me upon learning of this mission and said, "Thank you, Mom, Thank you.  Paris was never so beautiful as since this night." Well, perhaps Paris may be more beautiful, too, for all who visit the Eiffel Tower and know of our little secret.  I hope Damon's children will find solace to  know he is there with them when they gaze up at that big Tower and I hope their children, one day, will  too. 

As I climbed back into the taxi with Susan, I felt I was parting from my son, but at the same time I had a mysterious sense of satisfaction.  As we drove away into the dizzying traffic, I looked through the back window of the cab at that disappearing tree and whispered to myself, "Au revoir, Damon."

Cottage life this summer

INTERNET!!  After 60 years of no phone, no TV, no hydro, We Are On Line!!  As a result, Pierre and I each wrote a book, his is "Power Up Your Life and Make Stress Work 4 You," 

        ( http://tinyurl.com/dyhmwp ) and mine is "Landlordom, The Land of Jekyll and Hyde," (How to be a successful landlord, anyway).  Hard copy and ebooks are both available on XLibris.  Also on online book stores such as Amazon, Barnes and Noble, Kindle.

Two yellow kayaks and one large kayak-canoe added to our fun this year.

The dock, so peaceful at sundown.

Sister Susan

Cousin Sue-em. with husband Derry, Pierre and Pat and Shaun

Sue-em.

Brandon with Mishka

Pierre and Daryll

Derry, Sue-em, moi

Hallowe'en, The trick is, the treat is bad for you

I hate to ruin your 'fun', but I have to tell you the truth: Hallowe'en is a crime against children. 

This truth you are well aware of, but the forces of society and custom that consider candy as a treat are too great to fight even though you know it is bad for you. We succumb to the lie that sugar is a treat and we reward our children with it, something that can cause hyperactivity, memory loss, weight gain, rotten teeth, less immunity, diabetes and on it goes. Don't you think it's time to reevaluate our reward system?  We are teaching our children, as we have previously been taught, that something so bad for us is seen as a reward of which we want more, more, more. 

‘Hallowe’en’ embodies one of the greatest ironies of our ‘civilized’ culture.  It is a time of year when adults bombard children’s bodies with sugar, perhaps unaware of the damage it’s doing. ‘Hallowe’en’, nonetheless, arrives with great anticipation and glee, as a major ‘treat’ of the year. The costumes add magic to the ritual. But the candy is the ‘coup de gras’ for the kids.  ‘Hollow’s eve’ is one of the few opportunities children have to violate their bodies with not only the consent of society and their parents, but with their full endorsement and encouragement.

Amongst other ailments, sugar stimulates the production of insulin and too much insulin can induce insulin shock.  Sugar depresses the immune system.  How many children get colds or the flu after Hallowe’en?  It behooves parents to sit up and take notice. 

We must keep in mind that children’s bodies are much smaller than ours and the effect of sugar is magnified.  Is it possible to change our thinking and give different things to thrill them? ‘Magic stones’, psychedelic pencils, spider rings, wands from a magician’s den, magic wishing water from a witches’ pond  in the forest in a small little bottle (color it green like kryptonite), a balloon, a trick or a song that they can learn and remember, a beautiful marble, a prize for their costumes, money!! A lock of hair from a doll but really from a witch who lives behind a tree on your front yard!

…anything you can come up with that will capture their imagination is better than candy.

In the 1700’s people ate one kilogram of sugar a year. By the 1800’s, it increased to two kilograms and in the 1900’s to 16 kilograms and in the recent 40 years to around 100 kilograms per person.  Where are we going with this??  One teaspoon of sugar depresses the immune system for 12 hours.  White sugar, White death.

Between 1999 and 2009, diabetes in Canada increased 70% with the largest increase in children ages 9 to 19.  30 million people in North America have diabetes and an undiagnosed 2/3’s are unaware they have it.

Maybe its time we adults redefine the meaning ‘treats’ on Hallowe’en or treats, period.  Maybe it is time to take responsibility and protect our children from that which we try and get them away from the rest of the year!  After all the Trick and Treating is done, parents can buy the candy from the kids, or at least part of it and throw it out. Kids like money too. The magic will still be there!

Should I be a Landlord?

After a few years in the landlord business, I decided to put pen to paper and share my ideas with you in my new book, 'Landlordom, The Land of Jekyll and Hyde"  How to be a successful landlord, anyway. It will be released by mid November by XLibris and will appear on numerous on-line book stores such as Amazon and Kindle. It begins like this:

Rental properties can increase equity and provide extra income; at least this is the dream on paper. Some landowners are lucky and the dream unfolds as it should.  Others, however, are not so blessed and the experience becomes a nightmare. On the up side, owning properties for rental purposes has great potential for monetary gain, but on the down side it has many pitfalls, one being bad tenants. It is an unforgiving fact that the poor behavior of tenants has given renting out property a bad name and has provided a good reason for investors to shy away from being landlords.

There are many laws in place to protect tenants that can seem to be unfairly stacked against the landlord. An uninformed and unsuspecting landlord can be tarred and feathered by a wily tenant.

Tenants are entitled, amongst other things, to hot and cold running water.  Having to state this in law is on the level of an airline hostess telling you how to do up a seat belt, but its there, in the law. I never had to go out of my way to accommodate this requirement. If the law has to state this, you can only imagine what other hairline requirements there are.  It’s to your advantage to be aware of them.

Even though this may be true, the idea remains seductive to the young investor as he or she is lured by the prospects of additional income for their retirement, a time when the property would be clear of a mortgage and the extra income would add to one's projected comfortable retirement life style.

So you are thinking of succumbing to the temptation of 'landlordom'?  Be aware that, early in the planning stages, before you've even purchased a place, you are entering into a fear-ridden arena in which you will either be eaten up by the lions of intimidation or you will come out victorious, having kept your verve to continue your shaky adventure into the rental world of tenants, leases, loans and repairs.  

Summary

Should you be a landlord?  To help you answer this question, Christine shares, with uncloaked honesty and objectivity, her knowledge and experiences. Her book reveals what you must know before you leap, such as relevant laws and rights and obligations of both tenants and landlords. Do you have the money and where can you get it? What type of property is best for you?  Knowing the best way to deal with the tenant, the lease and the law, are just a few of the valuable tips Christine gives you on how to succeed.  Her compelling stories show both sides of the rental world: how dealing with tenants can be sometimes Jekyll, sometimes Hyde.

“Landlordom, The Land of Jekyll and Hyde” is sure to entertain, to inspire and to help the reader decide if  ‘Landlordom’ is for him/her, or not.

                                       

"The Happy Cooker" Cook Book: Let Food be Your Medicine

It was a stark realization, after I had my babies, that the food offered on the shelves in the grocery stores was what I was to call forever after, 'non-food'.  As a mother it meant that, to feed my children properly and nutritiously, I had to make everything from scratch. I felt a gross deception was at play on those shelves, duping young and old alike, leading the public to believe that, since it was for sale as food, it must be so.  I watched as fat, beer-bellied bachelors filled their carts up with hot dogs, processed meat and buns and observed young mothers hauling away boxed cereals, juice drinks made up of a cocktail of sugar, artificial flavors and more sugar, tinned, over-salted and over-sugared fruits and vegetables, frozen prepared foods such as pizza and fish sticks, boxed non-foods such as crackers, cookies and cake mixes, bags and bottles of chips and dips and salad dressings and on and on. This lie, that these products are food,  is a travesty paralleled by none other in modern day society..

The words of Hippocrates ring as true today as they did 2,500 years ago, "Let food be your medicine and let medicine be your food".  He believed any ailment could be traced to poor nutrition and bad eating habits. It was my observation that Hippocrates' belief was correct and that we are slowing killing ourselves with this junk we are putting into our bodies.  Just a brief glance at industrialized countries around the world, countries who can afford all this industrialized non-food and  one can see that not only do they have the most hospitals, but these hospitals are full of sick people.

It was this awareness that inspired me to write my  cook book, 'The Happy (healthy) Cooker'.  The fundamental concept is that one can, and should, eat real food.  If it grows, it is food.  If it comes in a box with a list of ingredients, it is a non-food. 'The Happy Cooker'  covers main meals, scrumptious breakfasts, wonderful dressings for salads and dips, easy to make soups and there is even a section, a tiny section, on soul foods.

'The Happy Cooker' is a knowledgeable resource for those starting out in the kitchen and it holds many quick and easy tricks for the seasoned chef. To order your copy, email Christine at christinefripp@gmail.com.