By November I was getting uncomfortable that our relationship lacked commitment, so I proposed to Don. He didn’t say no but he didn’t say yes either. I dragged him to the Minister at the church for consultation. He wasn’t exactly kicking and screaming but it wasn’t clear how he felt, the irreverent bachelor. He rationalized we could get married by the end of this year and save on taxes. It was December. We decided to make it quick, and planned to elope just before Christmas.
Of course no one knew about our plans. It was a secret. My mother had just arrived in Toronto after leaving my father for good in Spain. She was exhausted. Don’s mother, Joy, had issues with a heart condition. All in all we felt we were doing every one a favour by not disrupting them and I was saving my parents a lot of money. In their situation I thought they probably didn’t have any to spare on a wedding anyway.
The night of the big event, we invited Don Farion and Jackie to be our witnesses. Farion could hardly believe that Murray was going to bite the bullet and abandon his freedom. He offered to be our official chauffeur and drive us to the church in his Mercedes.
We called upon other friends of ours, another pilot friend of Don’s, Wayne Choptain and his wife, Carmen, to come along as part of the wedding party. They were on their way to curling and also did not believe that their buddy, ‘’81’, was going to tie the knot. But they came just the same, in their curling attire on the way to a practice. Carmen was eight months pregnant.
Taking place at night, the event had a romantic and exciting mood about it. I never remember seeing the church in the daylight so I never knew what it looked like on the outside. This was relevant because, years later when I took the kids there to Sunday school, I didn’t even recognize it as the church Don and I were married in. Then, one day, I looked up at the big cross in alter and gasped, “Wait a minute! I was married here!” I don’t know what everyone thought about that comment!
At the church, we had to sign papers for the bride and groom and the witnesses. The Minister had Wayne and Carmen sign the bride and groom spot… an honest mistake considering her condition. It was all straightened out and we went back home for a great dinner prepared by Farion, who also was the photographer. [Farion passed away around 2008 from cancer. He had quit smoking a few years before.]
We were now married.
We had Damon and Tyson in that house. It was small with two bedrooms upstairs under the ‘A’ shaped roof. The basement was unfinished. The back yard was fenced, separating the house from the street behind and a gas station. The train ran at the end of our short street. The best part was the airplanes that flew overhead. We were so close to the runway, that you could see the landing gear of the planes as they flew over the house and one would swear the roof was part of the runway. I suspected it should have had run way lights on it. All to say the house was in a pretty noisy location.
We almost never had a first child. We eloped in December of ’74 and decided to take a quick trip to the Bahamas in March calling it our ‘honeymoon’. I was to meet Don at the airport, he in from a flight and I arriving with our suitcases from home. I was excited about our little get away. When I sighted him coming to our meeting place I ran to give him a hug. His reaction was one of shock and disgust. “Never do that when I am in uniform,” he stated flatly. I had an overwhelming urge to turn around and go home and let him go on the trip by himself. But I didn’t. That was the trip I conceived Damon.
Freeport and the Condo
We were pretty green at that time. We thought we wanted to buy some real estate down there, but we had no idea what we were doing. We almost bought a piece of land. Thank god we didn’t… what would we ever have done with it! We weren’t fully aware that the Brits were getting kicked out of the Islands and the natives were taking over, or how that would impact the local economy.
We met up with an amiable real estate agent who showed us a bachelor condo on the third floor. If you squinted, you could see the ocean. It was on a canal and had a place we could park our boat… if ever we were to buy one, that’s where it’d go. We weren’t quite sure if we wanted to buy it or not until he gave us a few glasses of Jamaican rum, and we signed on the dotted line. How were we to know it was a drug infested building?
The owner got rid of it like a hot potato at a very good price for us. As luck would have it, the building changed hands many times and became one of the nicest condos in Freeport. We rented it out for years until Don took it over after our divorce.
Damon Arrives, 1975
I was thrilled when the pharmacist called to tell me the rabbit had died. My dreams were coming true. I was going to have a baby. It wasn’t what Don had in mind just yet, but he was largely responsible for not reading the instructions properly on the foam bottle.
I had a perfect pregnancy with no morning sickness nonsense. I was so afraid of getting fat, I only gained 17 pounds.
When the first pangs of promise started, I was upstairs in the water bed, which at that particular moment, had just sprung a leak. It had to be emptied immediately. Don got the garden hose and ran it down the stairs, through the kitchen and out the window. Sister Karen and here husband, Brian were visiting and sleeping in the living room at the time. They got up to see what all the ruckus was about. They stared sleepily at the garden hose as Don explained my water had broken.
Damon was quite content to stay in his womb. It took 23 hours for him to make the trip into the real world. I thought I was going to die. I tried making deals with God, to sell my soul to go back to being unpregnant, but he wasn’t listening. When Damon finally made it, I forgot all about it and cradled my bundle of joy.
Tyson, 1977
When the pharmacist called this time, I didn’t want to tell Don. Damon was only 5 months old and I thought this would be a little over the top for Don. At this rate, we’d have a dozen. But he was bemused. I had another untroubled pregnancy. When the time came to deliver, Don and I were packing up cards, books, puzzles, expecting another 20 hour ordeal. Well, Tyson was in a real hurry and popped out after only one hour of labor. I almost didn’t make it to the delivery table. He was quiet right from the get go. I had to carry him around the house to give him the attention he never asked for.
Before Tyson could talk, he could empathize. We had a friend who swam every day from her cottage to our beach. One day, Tyson, about 18 months old, went into the bathroom, got a towel and brought it down for her as she got out of the water. He walked like his legs were made of elastic bands. He was so young. Even then, he was always thinking of others.
Don
It was the formative years of our marriage. Never having been married before, I didn’t know what to expect and either did Don. I’d say we made pretty much of a mess of it. We were on two different channels. But if one doesn’t know what normal is, how does one know its not working? I bargained for his attentions, but it just didn’t change. No amount of bartering was going to budge him. As a young bride, I just knew my heart was breaking. I was hurt; I became lonely, despondent, depressed and later resentful and angry. But this marriage was going to work, I was determined. Especially since Tom’s mother told him not to go with ‘city’ girls. I was a ‘city’ girl and had dropped him. I was going to show her what I was made of!
Don could be sweet and thoughtful on occasion. Once he bought me a pair of old fashioned picture frames that I was longing for. I was royally impressed. Once I found an agora sweater I really liked; he bought me two. He did the same a few times and it always impressed me. I thought maybe he did love me a bit.
However, the night I was choking on my dinner and Don continued reading his newspaper, I knew this wasn’t going to be a romantic endeavour. When I asked him why he didn’t help me, he unbelievably answered, “Well, you were still breathing.” And he was right; I lived to tell the tale. But I was devastated. Any incidences like this in our marriage are vehemently denied by Don. But they affected me deeply and I’m certain I didn’t imagine them.
